Bias, by which I mean having a predetermined belief about a person, inundates our lives and our perceptions. It shapes our lives much more than we typically believe.

Bias is often perceived only in the contra sense—that is, being biased AGAINST something. My observations show that bias FOR something is an even stronger force, a force that drives much of society. Some in bad ways, some in good ways. I talked about how we prefer confidence to competence, in part because of confirmation bias. We want to believe that what people say is true, so when they claim to be competent, we find reasons to believe them.

I would argue that industries as diverse as the beauty industry, executive coaching, image management, fitness, and even much of the fashion industry—especially at the high end—are devoted to helping people fit molds such that people will be biased TOWARDS them.

I first began noticing this phenomenon in middle school. Certain boys and girls would receive more attention than others, usually, but not always, because they met some standard of beauty or athleticism. I remember a specific instance in seventh grade when I tried to emulate them. My friend Darren, a popular, athletic, and handsome young man, had delivered what I considered a hilarious routine. I copied him, practicing it word for word, gesture for gesture, and presented it to my other friends. Despite my careful preparation, it fell utterly flat, leaving them disinterested. Later, Darren repeated the exact same spiel, and they responded with uproarious laughter. The exact same words and mannerisms, the only difference was who was saying them. This stung emotionally as few things have before or since.

Many years later, in the professional world, I noticed that the higher the boss’s rank, the more people laughed at their jokes. Again, I tried the same trick as in middle school, repeating jokes that had people laughing uproariously when the vice president for our group told them. Again, they fell flat.

I am a prolific teller of dad jokes, such as, “Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up for itself? It was two tired!” These jokes often elicit groans in polite company, but I’m convinced people secretly love them. Over the years, as I’ve climbed the ladder of success, I’ve noticed that jokes which used to draw a groan now provoke a hearty laugh. As a strong believer in the scientific method, I’ve also tried saying mundane things and laughing at the end. More often than not, these statements elicit laughter from the staff.

Initially, I interpreted this as flattery, with people attempting to gain points at work by sucking up to and befriending the boss rather than through hard work and merit. However, after years of careful observation, I now believe otherwise. I think it’s either a cultural or biological influence that makes people respect their elders and those higher in status.

This doesn’t mean that internal calculations are not about personal gain. For instance, I firmly believe that many men lavish attention on attractive women in hopes of getting attention in return. I’m just suggesting that this is usually an automatic, unconscious decision. I am unsure if it is instinctive or learned as part of socialization, but I do think it’s usually unconscious.

Whether conscious or not, I believe that bias is a significant problem, not only in everyday relationships but also in companies and the world at large. In their 2007 book, Judgment: How Winning Leaders Make Great Calls, Noel M. Tichy and Warren G. Bennis coined the phrase “CEO Disease.” In essence, CEO Disease is when the CEO becomes detached from reality because people are hesitant to deliver bad news or criticism.

Part of this reluctance is self-preservation; after all, criticizing the boss could be a career-limiting, or even career-ending, move! However, I think that’s the lesser factor. The greater factor, I believe, is bias towards assuming the CEO has more awareness of the situation than they actually do.

I remember one time at a conference roundtable with a distinguished CEO. At this small, invitation-only gathering, this CEO was teaching us about company mission statements. She created a mission statement that was ok, marginally better than the example the class started with, but after the roundtable, I heard numerous compliments on how “wonderful” and “perfectly” she had crafted it. I appreciated the new version but couldn’t fathom why it was receiving such effusive praise. The intense reactions left me feeling like I was missing something.

A week later, I ran it by our public relations person who was not at the roundtable and did not know who had drafted it. He dissected it, pointing out several evident flaws that I had initially seen but did not voice. This made me wonder what would have happened if I had spoken up.

It’s like when people fall in love. During this period, any criticism of their new partner is likely to be ignored. Even if glaring issues exist, it’s best to remain silent. You might subtly hint at a problem but addressing it head-on is typically unproductive.

I recall a relationship I had with a seemingly wonderful, caring, and attentive woman. Despite early warning signs that the relationship might deteriorate, I remained committed to making it work. My best friend, who I had spoken to daily for decades, repeatedly warned me about these signs. While I acknowledged his concerns as valid, I was reluctant to fully accept his advice. Eventually, after his continuous criticism of my partner, I stopped speaking to him for six months. Well, he was right; I just didn’t want to hear it. After less than a year, the relationship ended when she became so angry for so many days in a row that I just had to get out. I really felt she was pushing me to leave, and I started to wonder if she was just testing how much punishment I’d be willing to take. After I left, however, she tried very hard to get me back, but there had been too much anger from her for too long. My friend and I are now close again, but not as close as we were. He feels I should have listened earlier while I feel he should have respected my feelings and not continued to be so critical of my girlfriend.

Even after going through all of that, however, I’m still confident that I did the right thing in not listening to my friend.  Relationships don’t work if you focus on the problems, they only work if you focus on the connections. I felt giving it a full honest try was the only way to be true to myself and my values. In the same vein, no boss is perfect and giving them the benefit of the doubt that they know what they are doing is a good thing—at least giving them a chance for a while.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t further discuss the massive industries that revolve around the idea of improving one’s image to others. Few would disagree that the high-end fashion industry is about displaying status through conspicuous consumption. Having purchased a few of these items, I can agree that they are superior quality. However, the primary reason for their purchase is the status they represent. Owning a Louis Vuitton bag, for instance, suggests a level of wealth and sophistication. While higher quality, they are surely not ten or one hundred times higher quality than an average handbag. Why buy it if not to elicit a specific reaction from onlookers?

The fitness industry operates on the same principle. While I initially started working out and running to improve my health, I have certainly noticed the positive reactions from others towards my improved physique.

This phenomenon extends even further. For years, “businessmen” wore suits to work as a status symbol, not for comfort. One can often guess a person’s occupation just by their attire. Far from being accidental, the goal is to stand apart and receive preferential treatment. I believe much of human activity revolves around status and leveraging societal bias in one’s favor.

I want to clarify that observing this is not the same as condoning it. Just as I can observe tornadoes without considering them beneficial, recognizing this bias is the first step in combating it. To me, it’s evident that bias not only exists but is perhaps the primary motivator of human behavior.

I believe that we will eventually overcome this deep-seated bias, although it may take many generations to fully do so. Recognizing its existence is the starting point. I hope that by highlighting some of its many manifestations, more people will become aware of bias and its effects in their daily lives.

I look forward to the day when reactions to my dad jokes are based solely on how funny the listener finds them rather than their perception of my status relative to theirs.